hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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