Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
