on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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