I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize