So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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