It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
