that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
