He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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