note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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