I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
