oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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