This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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