I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
