So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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