your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
