After last night, I could never be a politician.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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