Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
