I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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