I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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