Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
