pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you win again, gameday.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
