Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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