I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
