So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
