THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
