sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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