apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
