i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
