I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
you had me at cake vodka
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize