Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
