how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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