i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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