Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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