I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
