yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
