Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize