fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
we should paint friendship bongs
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