Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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