She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
