Only a mothe r could love this liver
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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