Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
