So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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