If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
