i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
