why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
