So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
