i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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