i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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