Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
