i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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