I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
