wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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