I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
