i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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