im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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