Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
