you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
