just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
