You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
