Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
