So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
