Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
