I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
