So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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