$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize