Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize