If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My hand turned me down
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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