i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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